How Learning to Celebrate Small Victories Can Reclaim Your Self-Worth
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Imagine this: you are getting your test back, and you get a 92. At first, you were proud of yourself because you knew how hard it was and the amount of studying required. But you look at your friend, and they got a 98. Immediately, you start thinking that you did not do good enough, and you feel like a failure. Or maybe you have been procrastinating going on a run, and today you finally went and felt accomplished. But when you get home and scroll on TikTok and you see people showing their marathon medals, what felt like progress to you before suddenly feels like disappointment. This is a cycle called the comparison trap. This is the habit and cycle of measuring your personal results with others. On the surface, these simple comparisons may seem like nothing and may even be motivation. Our parents, coaches, and teachers always encourage competition and push us to do our best. But in reality, for teens growing up in an environment with Instagram feeds, college admission stats, and highlight reels, it is more complicated than you think. Research has shown that these comparisons can prevent authentic growth, worsen anxiety, and undermine self-esteem. In contrast, celebrating small wins, like daily progress, quiet victories, and personal milestones, is the gateway to building resilience and confidence. If you want to break free from the cycle, stop comparing yourself to others and start honoring your own accomplishments.
Why Comparison Feels Unavoidable
Whether you believe it or not, comparing yourself to others is a part of human nature, and we all do it. The social comparison theory by psychologist Leon Festinger explains how we measure our progress by comparing it to others. For our ancestors in ancient times, comparison was used to form social groups and survive against others. But in today’s world, comparison is found everywhere, from grades, number of followers, athletic rankings, to college acceptance. Neuroscience states that comparison with others is so addictive because our brain’s reward system, dopamine, lights up only when you are winning or even outperforming others.
For example, if you received a 96 on a test and the person sitting next to you got a 98, you feel crushed even by the slightest difference. When your brain only acts positively towards winning, mistakes seem like failures. And the constant scanning comparison is a dangerous game because there will always be someone who will be better, smarter, and stronger than you. Measuring your self-worth with others only provides temporary satisfaction.
The Hidden Costs of the Trap
While comparison can feel like motivation, there is evidence that points to the cost of it. The journal Personality and Individual Differences completed a study in 2018 and found that people inclined to make social comparisons were strongly associated with low self-esteem and depression. Another study in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence in 2021 reported that students who frequently compared themselves to others academically were more likely to burn out and less willing to try new challenges.
Social media magnifies this component significantly. Influencers who post curated reels or stories distort reality. Teens who scroll through social media only see the success of people and not their struggles. This creates a false picture for the viewers and makes their own efforts seem invisible. The cost goes beyond just affecting emotions. These comparisons can spike cortisol levels, the body’s stress hormones, which can impair sleep, focus, and memory. It creates a mindset of perfectionism, where whatever you do is not good enough. Even the most genuine personal achievements can seem worthless, and you become exhausted.
The Case for Small Victories
So you may be wondering, if making comparisons takes away our joy, then what is the solution? The answer is by acknowledging your small victories, and research supports this. A 2011 study in the Harvard Business Review introduced what is called the “progress principle.” It is a principle that requires you to find that small and consistent wins are the most powerful thing an individual can do to stay motivated and engaged.
This principle can apply to students as well: finishing a hard math problem, reading a chapter of a book, or showing up to practice are things that are worth acknowledging. Now, why? These actions and small victories create intrinsic motivation and lead to internal progress. When you celebrate the fact that you asked a question in class despite being nervous, or studied 10 minutes more than yesterday, it trains your brain to think of your efforts as pride. [Alternative: “It trains your brain to connect effort with pride.”] Over time, these shifts in your thinking move from comparative to confident. And as a teen, these shifts are essential because they set you up for a brighter future full of resilience and strength.
Counterargument: Doesn’t Competition Push Us Forward?
Critics argue that comparing and having competition are essential for growth. They say that without competition, students lack ambition. And they encourage athletes to train harder, students to study longer, and performers to aim higher. But the truth is that competition can spark short-term motivation, but it often reinforces the same comparison trap that damages long-term well-being.
Reference
The Power of Small Wins. Harvard Business Review: https://hbr.org/2011/05/the-power-of-small-wins