How to Feel at Home in a Body You’ve Spent Years Criticizing
MINDSETALL BLOGS
There’s the body you live in. And then there’s the body you talk about in your head.
The one you’ve picked apart in mirrors, compared to others, or tried to shrink, fix, or hide. Maybe no one else knows. Maybe you’ve smiled in photos, worn what was “flattering,” or said “I’m fine” when you weren’t.
But under the surface, a quiet war has been playing out: You vs. your own body. And it’s exhausting.
Why we turn against ourselves
Most people aren’t born hating their bodies. That story gets taught through comments, media, comparison, or trauma. Sometimes, it starts young:
“You’d be so pretty if you lost a little weight.”
“Are you really going to eat that?”
“You’ve gotten bigger lately.”
“You’re so skinny, are you eating enough?”
Even well-meaning remarks can plant the seed:
My body isn’t acceptable as it is.
My worth depends on how I look.
Being loved means being smaller, thinner, or better-looking.
These messages don’t stay on the surface. They settle in the nervous system, where they shape how safe we feel inside our own skin.
The biology of body shame
When you chronically judge or monitor your body, you activate your amygdala, the brain’s fear center. Your body registers these internal criticisms as threats, even if they come from your own thoughts. A 2018 study in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience found that self-objectification, treating your body as something to be watched, raises cortisol, increases anxiety, and reduces interception (your ability to feel hunger, fullness, and emotional signals).
Over time, you may feel:
Disconnected from your body’s needs
Emotionally numb or overwhelmed
Constantly tense, especially in your jaw, stomach, or shoulders
Unworthy of rest, pleasure, or softness
It’s not just psychological, it’s physical. Living in a self-critical body is a chronic stress state. Coming home to yourself doesn’t require perfection. You don’t need to love every inch of yourself overnight. You don’t need to stare into the mirror and recite affirmations. You don’t need to silence every critical thought to begin healing. You just need to soften. To move toward neutrality. To stop waging war.
What helps (and why it’s not toxic positivity)
1. Notice the language you use
Instead of “I hate my thighs,” try “This is where I hold energy today.”
Shift from judgment to observation. This tells your brain: I’m safe here.
2. Reclaim the body from function-only roles
Your body isn’t just a machine. It doesn’t exist to burn calories, look a certain way, or perform. It’s a living system. A home. A source of sensation, creativity, and memory.
3. Offer comfort instead of control
Soften your breath. Stretch without needing to “work out.” Moisturize slowly. These aren’t indulgent, they’re reparative.
4. Eat to connect, not to control
Instead of labeling food as good or bad, ask: Does this nourish me? Does it help me feel grounded? Neutrality leads to trust.
5. Dress in ways that feel like relief, not a project
Wear softness. Choose what feels right in your body today, not what you wish you looked like tomorrow.
6. Let movement be expression, not punishment
Dance. Walk. Stretch. Swing your arms. Let your body move for you, not for a result.
Final thought
You are allowed to feel soft in your skin. You are allowed to exist without performing.
You are allowed to rest in a body that is healing, not perfect. This body has gotten you through every hard thing. It has carried your fear, your joy, your rage, your survival. It deserves your gentleness now. Coming home to your body is not about loving how it looks. It’s about finally treating it like it belongs to someone you care about. Because it does. It belongs to you. And you are worth coming home to.